When someone I love has, in my opinion, mistreated me I;
1. Start thinking of all the great qualities of this person
2. Think of some memory when we laughed together or had great time in some other way
3. Get to this third point, and let's say 10 seconds has passed, all the negative thoughts and "oh (s)he did me soooo wrong"s are gone and I remember again that every person has a right to make their own decisions and I have a right to not give in to bad feelings that would otherwise poison my day.
keskiviikko 24. kesäkuuta 2009
torstai 28. toukokuuta 2009
Destination Vancouver, B.C, Ca
Next fall, I'm going to Vancouver. I got the idea a couple of months ago, and just applied for a working-holiday visa -and happened to get one! I want to experience the Winter Olympics, meet people and just have a great time facing new challenges.
I visited Vancouver in the summer of 2007, and loved the city very much. When I realised that my job contract is ending next September, and that the Games are in a country that I like very much and is somewhat familiar, it just felt like I have no choice but to go.
As you might guess, I'm excited and frightened at the same time. I'm going to stay over the winter, leaving in October and coming back to Finland propably in April.
I cannot wait, but at the same time I enjoy this moment, right now. After all, I have all summer long to enjoy good weather and friends and dancing and my pony and all the things I love so very much.
I am happy :)
Edit: I think this means I'm going to Tofino and Back Again
I visited Vancouver in the summer of 2007, and loved the city very much. When I realised that my job contract is ending next September, and that the Games are in a country that I like very much and is somewhat familiar, it just felt like I have no choice but to go.
As you might guess, I'm excited and frightened at the same time. I'm going to stay over the winter, leaving in October and coming back to Finland propably in April.
I cannot wait, but at the same time I enjoy this moment, right now. After all, I have all summer long to enjoy good weather and friends and dancing and my pony and all the things I love so very much.
I am happy :)
Edit: I think this means I'm going to Tofino and Back Again
perjantai 15. toukokuuta 2009
Pursuit
Improvement, growing up, happiness, eagerness for challenges. Challenge? Risk? Dreams vs. threads? Where I might end up by always taking the safe bet. How far can I go by giving up the fear, giving up the "wise" options? Pursuing my limits, continuously pushing them further. This is not my combat anymore, I'm not afraid of following my dreams.
I'm moving to Vancouver for some time next fall. That's all I know so far. Well, that and the fact that I posses a work permit. There's a proverb that says something about bewaring what one dreams of, because that is exactly what one might get. I remember few years ago thinking to myself that if I only had taken a break, a year off, after senior high before going to college. Well, the break is about to come. And I'm excited.
Traveling is scary, starting over in a new place, is even more so. It is also a huge opportunity, a new chance to explore who I am, and how far I can go. Who knows what adventures i'm about to face. But I'm pursuing my dremas. And I'm excited.
I'm moving to Vancouver for some time next fall. That's all I know so far. Well, that and the fact that I posses a work permit. There's a proverb that says something about bewaring what one dreams of, because that is exactly what one might get. I remember few years ago thinking to myself that if I only had taken a break, a year off, after senior high before going to college. Well, the break is about to come. And I'm excited.
Traveling is scary, starting over in a new place, is even more so. It is also a huge opportunity, a new chance to explore who I am, and how far I can go. Who knows what adventures i'm about to face. But I'm pursuing my dremas. And I'm excited.
maanantai 27. huhtikuuta 2009
Promise.
No matter how many times I might fall, I will never stop believing in love. Because if I did that, I would lose me and end up being nothing but an empty shell. I'd be cynical and never seeing nothing but the dark sides.
Yes. I will feel the life running thru my vains, I will feel love, till my heart stops beating and then, at that moment, I know that I have lived.
Yes. I will feel the life running thru my vains, I will feel love, till my heart stops beating and then, at that moment, I know that I have lived.
perjantai 24. huhtikuuta 2009
Review
Love of books, articles, essays. Love of words and images, dreams they paint. Eyes wander gently thru phrases, cherishing every word, dot, emphasis. Like lover's hands on the soft skin and curve of hip, waist. Lips on collarbone. Or rushing thru phrases, violently jumping on words, skipping rudely few of them. And needing more, more, more... out of pure pleasure.
So many different kinds of texts, so many different ways to read them. Reading like someone's hunting you. Reading like making love. Writing like making love.
I found a text that is written with so much emotion in it that it is easy to feel the wind, the fresh air of the Pacific. With so much pain, that it takes the breath away, even as a complete outsider.
http://blog.isaac.shabtay.com/2009/04/low-tide.html
Sometimes words are like photographs, as they draw a detailed picture in front of eyes. Sometimes words are even more than that, and there's no way of escaping the word they create. Nor there is any will to escape.
I am eager to hear if any of my readers have a text to recommend. I love words.
So many different kinds of texts, so many different ways to read them. Reading like someone's hunting you. Reading like making love. Writing like making love.
I found a text that is written with so much emotion in it that it is easy to feel the wind, the fresh air of the Pacific. With so much pain, that it takes the breath away, even as a complete outsider.
http://blog.isaac.shabtay.com/2009/04/low-tide.html
Sometimes words are like photographs, as they draw a detailed picture in front of eyes. Sometimes words are even more than that, and there's no way of escaping the word they create. Nor there is any will to escape.
I am eager to hear if any of my readers have a text to recommend. I love words.
keskiviikko 1. huhtikuuta 2009
Playing the Notes
Lately I've started all kinds of things and been many times in situations that I haven't faced before. New situations always cause a tension of somekind, because it requires crossing the lines of your comfort zone. Comfort zone is the behavioral patterns, hobbies, places etc. where you've been a lot and they are familiar and you know how to act. It is easy to feel like a prey in a place that's not familiar as everybody else has an agenda they fullfil-or so it seems.
New thing always means challenge, escspecially when it includes getting in to a group that has been formed before you came across. People tend to keep walls up high towards new comers, some higher, some lower but they always excist as there's a need to evaluate the person. Girls do this very "openly" and they usually put their attitude on show. I think this is because of fear, as a new girl in a group can always mean competition. What I have found to be very usefull is just not competing with them. No one can play games with you if you don't play the game. Dropping all attitudes when getting into a new social network takes you far! And whoa what realizing this has brought to me!
People make judgements by cover, and this, I think, is because of the fear of unknown. It is rather funny to hear girls (and guys too!!) making comments like "what is she trying to do etc." After I started trying to eliminate all these kinds of acts out of my own social behaviour, wearing an open attitude and simply smiling more it's been great to notice that more and more great people have started marching into my life. And it is so simple! I'm not saying that I take a new person under my skin, that's just stupid. But I try to see other people's point of view and not being judgemental. Still keeping my own values- but I realize it is not taken away from me if somebody else is not exactly like me.
New thing always means challenge, escspecially when it includes getting in to a group that has been formed before you came across. People tend to keep walls up high towards new comers, some higher, some lower but they always excist as there's a need to evaluate the person. Girls do this very "openly" and they usually put their attitude on show. I think this is because of fear, as a new girl in a group can always mean competition. What I have found to be very usefull is just not competing with them. No one can play games with you if you don't play the game. Dropping all attitudes when getting into a new social network takes you far! And whoa what realizing this has brought to me!
People make judgements by cover, and this, I think, is because of the fear of unknown. It is rather funny to hear girls (and guys too!!) making comments like "what is she trying to do etc." After I started trying to eliminate all these kinds of acts out of my own social behaviour, wearing an open attitude and simply smiling more it's been great to notice that more and more great people have started marching into my life. And it is so simple! I'm not saying that I take a new person under my skin, that's just stupid. But I try to see other people's point of view and not being judgemental. Still keeping my own values- but I realize it is not taken away from me if somebody else is not exactly like me.
maanantai 23. maaliskuuta 2009
Sensibility in Human Relations
Last night I was swing dancing, and I was paying extra attention to be able to feel even the lightes lead by my partner. It requires a lot of presence and sensitivity! But my sensibility got better and better and it was great to notice how it made dancing easier, as it is the guys job to lead and I should only follow. This made me thinking about sensibility in relationships in general.
Do you know those people, who very easily sense how you feel, even though you might put on the perfect make up to hide things? Usually it is a good friend, who knows you thoroughly, but many times it is possible to sense "hidden information" from somebody you don't take under your skin. People have natural talent and ability to this, as it is part of the communication: the none-verbal part. Everybody knows when there is a change in group-dynamics or if you meet a couple who's having a silent fight. But if you can get very sensitive in these things, it can be a real benefit.
As following the lead in dancing, sensibility in human relations requires presence and certain tenderness. Additionally it requires a genuine positive interest in the other person. Many times someone capable of this is someone worth trusting: many times they are so strong that they have the courage to be tender.
Do you know those people, who very easily sense how you feel, even though you might put on the perfect make up to hide things? Usually it is a good friend, who knows you thoroughly, but many times it is possible to sense "hidden information" from somebody you don't take under your skin. People have natural talent and ability to this, as it is part of the communication: the none-verbal part. Everybody knows when there is a change in group-dynamics or if you meet a couple who's having a silent fight. But if you can get very sensitive in these things, it can be a real benefit.
As following the lead in dancing, sensibility in human relations requires presence and certain tenderness. Additionally it requires a genuine positive interest in the other person. Many times someone capable of this is someone worth trusting: many times they are so strong that they have the courage to be tender.
tiistai 10. maaliskuuta 2009
Next Week Is GreenGreenGreen
As we are going to Dublin. Cannot wait! The best part of traveling is meeting new people: the easiest way of doing that is staying at a hostel, in a dorm room. Quality of sleeping is not good, but then again not completely crappy, but you never know where you end up with your new friends. Me and Sipuli had a great experience when we stayed in a dorm in Prague. Spanish group of students and us threw a party to remember. So Dublin and new friends, here we come!
keskiviikko 18. helmikuuta 2009
Thoughts While Eating an Apple
Few words of myself: I try my best to be just, though I realise that I don't always manage. I believe that people are good in general. I try not to complain, because I believe that everybody's responsible for their own happiness and complaining rarely changes a thing (acting does). But I am a human being after all and nobody's perfect, not even me :)
Because of this I wanna thank a friend, whom I came to know couple of years ago (it's 2 years already!) while in Canada. I had a great chat with him today. Sometimes I see things that are invicible, sometimes I'm blind if there's a rhino in a livingroom. I try to brief here some of the things we discussed.
I believe in backbones. Actually, most of the problems would be easilly solved if people just grew a backbone. Easier said than done, I know. Many times I don't own one myself, and then, if things blow, I am very, very angry at myself for letting things happen. I blame myself, for people acting according to their own agenda. My friend said, very simply, "if you are angry at yourself, you should stop". Because, "people out there usually work within their OWN set of values". And everybody also believe that their own set of values is the way to go. As a very basic human need is finding someone to blame, and I found one in myself. What for? It's better just to accept certain things (escspecially when it comes to relationships, like in this case), stop making myself a victim (of myself), hit the road and start living life again.
To continue: behavior of people is many times a result of millions of things that have happeneded to them. Of course it is up to you how you treat people, but everybody hurts somebody at some point. Some do it on purpose (as this is the way for them to feel important), some do not mean to hurt but it happens while they try to reach their goal. There's no way of changing another person; you can only change yourself. So, conclusion, stop wasting your time trying to change somebody, hit the road and start living life again.
For the last part, most of our behaviour is leaded by the sheer fear of rejection. We fear rejection, because we define ourselves by the image that we have of ourselves. Rejection shakes this image; this image is mortal and we fear the death of it. This is also, I think, the reason why we feel so bad after rejection. Luckily it is possible to stop being lead by this fear. I found help when I noticed it: my friend told me that I am trying to find someone to blame (I blamed myself) because I felt rejected. When he said this, my eyes were opened. So, conclusion, stop feeling rejected, because you're not, you have amazing friends and actually you are living your life, enjoying it thoroughly.
I am not saying it is easy, but when you give up victim-status, it's worth all the work. The enthusiasm is there again. I have big plans for the next fall, but more about that another time.
Because of this I wanna thank a friend, whom I came to know couple of years ago (it's 2 years already!) while in Canada. I had a great chat with him today. Sometimes I see things that are invicible, sometimes I'm blind if there's a rhino in a livingroom. I try to brief here some of the things we discussed.
I believe in backbones. Actually, most of the problems would be easilly solved if people just grew a backbone. Easier said than done, I know. Many times I don't own one myself, and then, if things blow, I am very, very angry at myself for letting things happen. I blame myself, for people acting according to their own agenda. My friend said, very simply, "if you are angry at yourself, you should stop". Because, "people out there usually work within their OWN set of values". And everybody also believe that their own set of values is the way to go. As a very basic human need is finding someone to blame, and I found one in myself. What for? It's better just to accept certain things (escspecially when it comes to relationships, like in this case), stop making myself a victim (of myself), hit the road and start living life again.
To continue: behavior of people is many times a result of millions of things that have happeneded to them. Of course it is up to you how you treat people, but everybody hurts somebody at some point. Some do it on purpose (as this is the way for them to feel important), some do not mean to hurt but it happens while they try to reach their goal. There's no way of changing another person; you can only change yourself. So, conclusion, stop wasting your time trying to change somebody, hit the road and start living life again.
For the last part, most of our behaviour is leaded by the sheer fear of rejection. We fear rejection, because we define ourselves by the image that we have of ourselves. Rejection shakes this image; this image is mortal and we fear the death of it. This is also, I think, the reason why we feel so bad after rejection. Luckily it is possible to stop being lead by this fear. I found help when I noticed it: my friend told me that I am trying to find someone to blame (I blamed myself) because I felt rejected. When he said this, my eyes were opened. So, conclusion, stop feeling rejected, because you're not, you have amazing friends and actually you are living your life, enjoying it thoroughly.
I am not saying it is easy, but when you give up victim-status, it's worth all the work. The enthusiasm is there again. I have big plans for the next fall, but more about that another time.
torstai 12. helmikuuta 2009
I Am Proud of You
For a while I've been looking for a new topic to write about. And here it is, and this time, like always, it just came when the time was right.
Magic words: I am proud of you. Few friends have told me these exact words couple of times lately, and what an influence they have! While wrestling (I am not sure if this is an expression in english, but who cares anyway) with some smaller-than-life-but-bigger-than-me issues, Tirspa suddenly said that she's proud of me and the way I'm handling the situation. As i wasn't looking for any affirmation, her comment came unexpected and the influence was amazing. I got the strength to go on and it was easier to not give up. Friends are there to boost you when you need to overcome yourself.
As those are one of the strongest words, I recommend to use them on all you beloved-ones. Admire and be proud of them. The influence is huge.
Magic words: I am proud of you. Few friends have told me these exact words couple of times lately, and what an influence they have! While wrestling (I am not sure if this is an expression in english, but who cares anyway) with some smaller-than-life-but-bigger-than-me issues, Tirspa suddenly said that she's proud of me and the way I'm handling the situation. As i wasn't looking for any affirmation, her comment came unexpected and the influence was amazing. I got the strength to go on and it was easier to not give up. Friends are there to boost you when you need to overcome yourself.
As those are one of the strongest words, I recommend to use them on all you beloved-ones. Admire and be proud of them. The influence is huge.
torstai 8. tammikuuta 2009
Freedom of a Wandering Heart
Haha, my titles are getting more and more flamboyant, but please don't let it bother. I feel I have something to say, and I try to keep my enthusiasm within certain limits.
One of my biggest beliefs at the moment is, that one can learn something from each person that comes across. It could be something very concrete, like learning how to tie a Sailor's knot, or something completely different, like a feeling you get after talking to someone wise. It is also possible to reach an understanding of a fact that you will never become bitter or ignoratnt, if you meet a person who is those things. But as I said, something can be learned almost from everybody.
So how does this sound: what would happen if person, who is eager to learn tries just that. To learn something, consciously, from people she meets? What if she (or he), for example when traveling, first meets a bartender, and just ask "i'm here to learn, i hope there's something you would like to teach me?". Maybe she learns something from a bartender, like how to draught a beer. Then she could ask him if he knows someone, who knows something really worth learning. And the chain could go on and on and on... This is a very charming idea. It is in free usage, so go for if, if you desire. I know i will.
Today I realized that I am free. I can't describe the feeling I got. In nine months' time this working contract will due, and as greatful as I am about the opportunity that I got 18months ago, I know it is time to move on. I don't feel any anxioty about the fact that I have no idea what I'm going to do next fall. I just feel happiness of the freedom to choose. I know, that if I just listen, at some point I'm going to know what I'm ought to do.
One of my biggest beliefs at the moment is, that one can learn something from each person that comes across. It could be something very concrete, like learning how to tie a Sailor's knot, or something completely different, like a feeling you get after talking to someone wise. It is also possible to reach an understanding of a fact that you will never become bitter or ignoratnt, if you meet a person who is those things. But as I said, something can be learned almost from everybody.
So how does this sound: what would happen if person, who is eager to learn tries just that. To learn something, consciously, from people she meets? What if she (or he), for example when traveling, first meets a bartender, and just ask "i'm here to learn, i hope there's something you would like to teach me?". Maybe she learns something from a bartender, like how to draught a beer. Then she could ask him if he knows someone, who knows something really worth learning. And the chain could go on and on and on... This is a very charming idea. It is in free usage, so go for if, if you desire. I know i will.
Today I realized that I am free. I can't describe the feeling I got. In nine months' time this working contract will due, and as greatful as I am about the opportunity that I got 18months ago, I know it is time to move on. I don't feel any anxioty about the fact that I have no idea what I'm going to do next fall. I just feel happiness of the freedom to choose. I know, that if I just listen, at some point I'm going to know what I'm ought to do.
keskiviikko 7. tammikuuta 2009
Act.
The light is wonderful outside. I kept thinking that it would be amazing if it still was there after I finished working today. Then a thought came: why not go out and see the light now, even if it was for one minute. I did.
People should listen to their dreams, no matter how small.
People should listen to their dreams, no matter how small.
sunnuntai 4. tammikuuta 2009
How to Clean the Table
Ok, here we go. I'm not the same person that I was six months ago, when I started writing this blog. That is propably obvious to everybody, who's been around me lately. The fall of 2008 was amazing, without a doubt the best time of my life. Loads of things changed in the way that I see the world, and I've never been happier. I finally had the feeling, that I'm walking the right path, I'm growing up without becoming an adult (loosing the ability of being amazed of the little things).
I was happy (I am happy) when I realized that only person responsible for my happiness is me. It's too easy to have those bad days, and blame everything else for the misery. Somebody's being rude or you overslept. On the other hand, falling in love in a dependent way is not the way to go either. When in love, you should always be able to stand on your own feet too.
So it came out of the blue when this happened to me. I wasn't in love, there was no relationship but I was fast going that way, in my mind propably. I had the feeling, and just let go. I was still standing on my own, but now that I think of it, not for long.
My heart whispered that I'm not ready. I wouldn't have listened.
Then a lot of things happened very fast (it couldn't have been by accident, there's no such thing) and I realized that I better get out, no matter how hard it is. There was no drama, so don't worry, I was only further in my mind than I should have been. I feel that I'm at the point of a breakthrough, becoming stronger than I've ever been.
There's no better day, than January 1st, for these things to happen. I cleaned the table, and this year is new and fresh. My New Year's resolution is that I'm going to treat other people well, and if I meet rude arrogants, I won't let them affect my peace of mind.
I highly recommend The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
I was happy (I am happy) when I realized that only person responsible for my happiness is me. It's too easy to have those bad days, and blame everything else for the misery. Somebody's being rude or you overslept. On the other hand, falling in love in a dependent way is not the way to go either. When in love, you should always be able to stand on your own feet too.
So it came out of the blue when this happened to me. I wasn't in love, there was no relationship but I was fast going that way, in my mind propably. I had the feeling, and just let go. I was still standing on my own, but now that I think of it, not for long.
My heart whispered that I'm not ready. I wouldn't have listened.
Then a lot of things happened very fast (it couldn't have been by accident, there's no such thing) and I realized that I better get out, no matter how hard it is. There was no drama, so don't worry, I was only further in my mind than I should have been. I feel that I'm at the point of a breakthrough, becoming stronger than I've ever been.
There's no better day, than January 1st, for these things to happen. I cleaned the table, and this year is new and fresh. My New Year's resolution is that I'm going to treat other people well, and if I meet rude arrogants, I won't let them affect my peace of mind.
I highly recommend The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho.
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