Thoughts While Eating an Apple

Few words of myself: I try my best to be just, though I realise that I don't always manage. I believe that people are good in general. I try not to complain, because I believe that everybody's responsible for their own happiness and complaining rarely changes a thing (acting does). But I am a human being after all and nobody's perfect, not even me :)

Because of this I wanna thank a friend, whom I came to know couple of years ago (it's 2 years already!) while in Canada. I had a great chat with him today. Sometimes I see things that are invicible, sometimes I'm blind if there's a rhino in a livingroom. I try to brief here some of the things we discussed.

I believe in backbones. Actually, most of the problems would be easilly solved if people just grew a backbone. Easier said than done, I know. Many times I don't own one myself, and then, if things blow, I am very, very angry at myself for letting things happen. I blame myself, for people acting according to their own agenda. My friend said, very simply, "if you are angry at yourself, you should stop". Because, "people out there usually work within their OWN set of values". And everybody also believe that their own set of values is the way to go. As a very basic human need is finding someone to blame, and I found one in myself. What for? It's better just to accept certain things (escspecially when it comes to relationships, like in this case), stop making myself a victim (of myself), hit the road and start living life again.

To continue: behavior of people is many times a result of millions of things that have happeneded to them. Of course it is up to you how you treat people, but everybody hurts somebody at some point. Some do it on purpose (as this is the way for them to feel important), some do not mean to hurt but it happens while they try to reach their goal. There's no way of changing another person; you can only change yourself. So, conclusion, stop wasting your time trying to change somebody, hit the road and start living life again.

For the last part, most of our behaviour is leaded by the sheer fear of rejection. We fear rejection, because we define ourselves by the image that we have of ourselves. Rejection shakes this image; this image is mortal and we fear the death of it. This is also, I think, the reason why we feel so bad after rejection. Luckily it is possible to stop being lead by this fear. I found help when I noticed it: my friend told me that I am trying to find someone to blame (I blamed myself) because I felt rejected. When he said this, my eyes were opened. So, conclusion, stop feeling rejected, because you're not, you have amazing friends and actually you are living your life, enjoying it thoroughly.

I am not saying it is easy, but when you give up victim-status, it's worth all the work. The enthusiasm is there again. I have big plans for the next fall, but more about that another time.